I smell stomach acid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I die, sorry about rent.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
