thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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