oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
