Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
