DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
