Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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