may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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