you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize