But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The feeling are messing with the penis
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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