I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
