If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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