So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
