I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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