Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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