dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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