Don't you send me to vm
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
