oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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