Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
