I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
