I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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