I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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