i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
