What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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