no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
is it fun? or sober?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
