The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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