I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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