So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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