Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
