areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
