i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
