Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
