you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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