is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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