just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
