Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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