I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
