This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
