I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
