nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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