I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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