so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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