Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
