You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
