in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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