I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drake has all the answers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
