shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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