are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
