we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
