Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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