Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
