Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
