Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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