found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
