Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
