look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
