i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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