I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
