Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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