so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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