I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
