so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
