what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
