WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
