oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
