It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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