before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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