maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
