I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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