how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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