lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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