I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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