Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
