She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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