i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
