he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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