I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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