he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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