Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
