Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
